Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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