Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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