just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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