I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
