Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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