can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Randomize
