M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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