you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
