i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's blow job season.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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