"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
