3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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