Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
