Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
