Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize