babies were throwing up all over the place
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
