I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
