Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
