I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
