I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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