Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
