Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
