alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
