watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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