It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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