and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
