Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
