nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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