I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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