So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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