I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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