so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
