Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
