dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy