I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..