Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I need to stop coming to work sober
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.