every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
His hands were made for my vagina.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?