Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean