I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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