this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
