I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
