I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
