It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
