i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
