Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
