y did u give ur computer a hand job?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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