please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
