I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
