community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
