I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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