hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
