just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
