I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
