sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
