can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize