This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
