he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
