Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
operation have a gay friend backfired
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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