one might say we're banned from that church
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
