Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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