i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
