I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
