Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
