Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
