A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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