Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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