I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
