I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
