I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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