So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
