Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
