had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
