I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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