I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
