So drunk its hurt
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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