I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
