sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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