the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
