You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
