Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
