I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
