Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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