I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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