So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
